Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
