I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
