every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
