tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize