Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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