would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
