Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
soo... how was my night?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
