I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
