I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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