i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
