Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
