U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
