if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize