His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
