He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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