I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
