It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
