is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
