Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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