bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
