All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
