Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize