Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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