Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
