he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
