Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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