Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize