The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
