I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
