It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
