If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
