I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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