Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
