that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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