Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
