Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Non-Jews are for practice
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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