that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
