How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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