Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
