none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
