he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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