I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
