If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
