Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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