I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize