I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
