Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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