i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
