I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
