Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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