Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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