i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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