I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and you said cock pushups were impossible
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
