This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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