I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
