I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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