12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize