I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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