ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
