is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
