they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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