Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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