i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
