The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
