that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
