The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
