Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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